well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
