I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
