New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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