My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
