What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
