Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
