We won't sleep together?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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