Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
