they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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