I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
