As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
