i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
