YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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