So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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