$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The air was thick with penises
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
