you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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