He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
