if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
