I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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