and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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