everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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