I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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