I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
