We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
