he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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