i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
