College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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