just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
