Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
