I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
