the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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