Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
