I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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