So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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