I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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