Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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