If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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