I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
