hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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