Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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