I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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