I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i've created a new STD.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
