so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
