haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
