Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
