Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
