I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
