I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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