I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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