so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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