omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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