Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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