Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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