I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
