I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
