I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
