i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
