I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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