last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
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I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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