I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
