Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
