hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
