my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
