I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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