Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
