A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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