I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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