Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
