I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
