sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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