I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
