eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
