Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i believe in u and ur pee
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
