How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
