Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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