At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You did what with his pubic hair?
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