Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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