I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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