Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
