yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
