She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
