that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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