if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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