I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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