When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
