my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
